Camels in the Mist

September 23 rolls around again this year. Summer ended two days ago, and i can’t help but be sad. A year ago today, one of my best friends, Sandra Lynn Cole, passed away, a relapse of leukimia. I’m not quite sure why i’m blogging about this, but it’s been a year, and i think i’m still more messed up than i realize. It’s hard to put into words: Sandi was in many ways too good for thise world, always putting the happiness of others before her own. She was always an ear to listen to me when i needed to talk to someone about problems, about life, about anything. I like to believe i did the same for her, i did my best to cheer her up when she was going through the stress and pain that comes with chemotherapy.

Now my best friend is gone, the person who i’d normally talk to when i have a problem like this to deal with. It hurts. What hurts even more is knowing that lingering on it like this the way i am, is the last thing she’d want. She told me, more than once, that she was afraid to open up and have feelings for people, when she didn’t know how long she’d have to live, with the leukimia and all, she didn’t want to leave sad memories, sad regrets for the people she cared about, the people that cared about her.

So much of what I am today I owe to her: She introduced me to the first internet forum that i spent any time on, a forum i went on to co-admin, and modify forwards, backwards, and upside down, my very first phpbb, which set my path for phpbb modding and my current position on the phpbb team, and my skill and experience in php and web programming. The forum was an RP forum, and helped me realize that i love to write, fiction as it were, something that remains one of my favorite hobbies. Countless hours chatting with her online, her openness taught me humanity, and taking to heart the way she dealt in many situations, i think i’m a better person for it.

I guess it’ll be hard for me to watch the passing of summer from now on without lingering on the memory of my dearest friend.

Wherever you are, Sandi, i hope you’ve got all the happiness that life never gave you, and then some.

Currently Listening to:
[ Cowboy Bebop Soundtrack ] Yoko Kanno - Rain
" I don't feel a thing, And I stopped remembering
The days are just like moments turned to hours
Mother used to say, If you want you'll find a way
but mother never danced through fire shower"

This entry was posted on Friday, September 23rd, 2005 at 4:31 pm by Xore and is filed under All, People, Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.